


What would Loki do? - Prelude

by LucyGodwing



Series: What would Loki do? [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen, POV Loki (Marvel), Pepper Potts & Tony Stark Friendship, Pre-Iron Man 1, Pre-Loki/Tony Stark, Pre-Thor (2011), Set in 2009, Sick Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 15:00:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20137351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyGodwing/pseuds/LucyGodwing
Summary: Loki spent this New Years Eve (2008 - 2009) in New York, evading his family, most importantly brother and father.On the party of none other than Tony Stark, he got chatted up by Pepper Potts, who seemed happy, that he didn't want anything to do with Tony Stark. Had Loki even known who that was, maybe he would have run at the moment, but instead found himself in the middle of getting insulted by the billionaire-playboy, while having a bad case of "Bifrost-flu".Contains some nice moments of Happy & Pepper friendship and a little bit of Tony / Loki flirting.





	1. New Year’s Eve

Frigga and Heimdall had a deal. Her sons could always leave, as long as they were not needed on Asgard and as long as they did not actively try to change something in whatever realm they were in. Odin should not need to know all of their activities and she herself only wanted to know if they were forced back and if, then why.

Loki and Thor both took advantage of that, even though Thor was often sent home quickly, because, as he so proudly put it, he just had to help those poor souls. Loki mostly observed and then came home after a while, saying nothing about it.

This time, Loki went to Midgard. Out of all the realms, he enjoyed it the most, the people here were so unknowing. Pretending that their technology was advanced, they didn’t even want to believe in other lived on realms or planets, and those that did, were thought of to be crazy. Still, he enjoyed being around these primitive people and their sweet behaviour. They were so easily manipulated, that Loki always felt bad for having the urge to actually do such a thing.

This time around they celebrated a big event. Apparently going around their sun needed to be celebrated, like it was such a big deal. Sometimes Loki was confused by all the celebrations these people had. The strangest were that they celebrated being born and wanted presents for that, even though they did the least of the work for that. He always found that the parents should be celebrated more, than the offspring they produced. He once asked a stranger about that custom and he had told him, parents were celebrated on specific days within the year and most times birthdays were also a symbol of growth.

Then why did these people also celebrate their course around the sun? Both times people celebrate how much they achieved in such a short time. But the people seem happier when they celebrate, so as much as he wanted to protest, he decided not to.

He had not been invited to this event, but as he always did, he decided to just walk into the venue. People didn’t seem to protest, he apparently looked appropriately clothed and styled. People with the exact same clothing where walking around with drinks on trays, that were, apparently, to be taken und drunken. After taking a first sip, Loki already decided it was a strange drink. They had similar drinks on Asgard of course, but this… the bubbles confused him.

He still drank out the entire drink as he found it impolite not to. Then he took place at a bar, it was called, and stared at the bottles, that were lined up.

The bartender came to him and leaned over the bar, to ask over the loud music: “What can I get you Mister?”

Bemused Loki looked at him and decided to answer: “A drink without bubbles.” The bartender laughed, although Loki could not decide, if he had said something funny.

“I’ll make you something, Mister.” Loki smiled. What a nice creature. Someone sat down beside him, he looked over at the woman with nice blond-orange hair. She sighed slightly and then smiled at him. Quickly Loki looked away. He knew not to look into her thoughts, as he was sometimes prone to do.

“You seem like you’re from out of town”, the lady said, and he looked back at her, she was holding out her hand. Loki shook it, as it was custom to.

“Yes. How could you tell?”

“Oh, you just look like you’re not used to such an event.”

“We have this kind of event at home too. Just umm, not like this.”

“Yeah, New York does it differently. Virginia Potts, and you are?”

“Loki”, he said and felt his cheeks burning, she seemed to be a very nice woman.

“What an unusual name.”

“I find yours equally unusual, or are children often named after states?” She laughed loudly and then smiled at the bartender as he brought Loki a red drink, that looked slightly yellow at the top. Loki wanted to grab his wallet with the money inside that he always brought when leaving for Midgard, but Virginia stopped him.

“Put his drinks on Tony’s tab, would you, Nicolas?”

“Of course, Miss Potts.”

“And make me the same.”

“Yes, Miss Potts.” The bartender walked away, and Loki looked a bit surprised to Virginia.

“Who is Tony?”

She laughed again. “You are seriously out of town, Loki. Tony Stark, Anthony Stark. It is his event.”

“Oh. I am sorry.” He felt a bit bad not knowing the name of the person, whose event he was attending.

“Don’t be, Loki, I’m actually glad, that you don’t know who I am working for, then you won’t try to persuade me to convince him to do business with your company.”

“I do not even own such a thing.”

She smiled joyfully. “Even better. So, what brings you here?”

“Here? I needed to have some time alone.”

“Family-trouble?”

“I would rather not talk about them, I am always the, I think you call it a ‘black sheep’, of the family.”

“Well, I can’t see why. So, I guess that’s the reason you’re overseas?” Overseas? For a moment Loki looked a bit surprised and Virginia said quickly: “I’d say you’re British, but I could be wrong.”

Loki chuckled. “Oh, the accent. I am trying to hide it, Miss Potts, I don’t seem to be very good at it.” She smiled a little and took the drink from the bartender.

“Follow me, Loki, let’s find a quiet place to talk.” Loki nodded and took his own drink.

When they were walking through the crowded place, he noticed, like he always seemed to, that he was one of the tallest people on the floor. He made himself seem a little smaller, but not very successful, after all, shrinking with magic would have been seen and the primitive people of Midgard were not as forthcoming when seeing such thing, as he once experienced when he was younger, and saw so-called witches being burned alive. These days they wouldn’t have been called witches, but rather Healers or Doctors. ‘_How far they have come, these people’_, he thought to himself, still following Virginia Potts, till she opened a door to an elevator. She smiled at him gently and he stepped inside.

“I didn’t notice you were tall, Loki”, she said, apparently a bit surprised of herself.

“I do hope it doesn’t scare you. My brother is even taller.”

“Really? Then it must be in your DNA.”

“DNA? Oh, blood, genetics, yes.” He nodded quickly and Virginia looked a bit confused, but then seemed to push the thought aside.

“So, do you like your brother?”

“At times. Not always, he is rather, I don’t know how to put it. He sometimes makes decisions rather quick, without thinking of all that could go wrong. I like to be prepared for the inevitable.”

“I guess that’s how siblings are, right?”

“Do you have siblings, Miss Potts?”

“Sadly no, but it sometimes feels like I am responsible for a child.”

“So, a mother then? You still seem so young. But if it makes you happy, who am I to judge.” She laughed loudly. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No, Loki, no. I am no mother, that was not what I meant, but I guess, you really don’t know Tony.”

The door opened and they walked out. Quickly she led him towards a patio, and they sat down on an outdoor sofa. She took a sip at her drink and he did the same. The drink was a bit bitter with a sweet undertone. For a second, he didn’t know if he would enjoy it, but then he decided that he would rather have this, then the bubbly drink that was served inside.

“So, tell me about yourself, Loki.”

“I do not know what I should tell, I am really nobody special.”

“Well, is it your first time in America?”

“No, I have visited this country more than once already. I rather like the times people are celebrating, I once was here when there was a big celebration at the beginning of July.”

“Oh, 4th of July? Independence Day.”

“Yes, that, all the lights were impressive. Drunk people not so much, especially when they screamed at me to go home, at a time like that, I felt more like an outsider than I do, when I am home.”

“That doesn’t seem nice.”

“But this country has a long history, even though people say with a few hundred years of the Americas it cannot be that long, what most don’t consider is that the country was already lived on before that. So, when they shouted at me to go home to, I would have rather told them to go to where they originated from, at least I know for certain my homeland, while they ignore their origins.”

Miss Potts smiled, and Loki quickly drank, when he felt that he was turning red, not of anger or shame, but rather because he seemed to enjoy her company.

“I never really thought about it. We shouldn’t forget what we came from. It is similar to trying to live up to your parent’s reputation.”

“If they have a high one, probably.”

“Like Tony. His father was really big and now Tony tries to live up to that.”

“Successfully?”

“Well, he is known, but more for other things.”

“Oh?” She smiled gently and didn’t answer his insinuated question. “So, what about you, Miss Potts? Any struggle to live up to what your parents want you to be?”

“I don’t know, if being a secretary, is what they had in mind for me.”

“On the other hand, who are they to dictate our lives?”

She smiled brightly at that remark. “Exactly. We are all just trying to do our best.” They drank in silence, watching the colourful sky.

Suddenly the door opened and a drunk man with chocolate brown eyes, short dark hair and a very precise beard, as Loki would not know how else to describe the beard, stumbled out.

“Here you are, Pepper, don’t want to party downstairs?”

“Tony, you’re drunk.”

“Yes, I am, but that doesn’t mean, I don’t want you to enjoy yourself.”

“I _am_ enjoying myself, Tony.” She softly laid her hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Loki, this is Anthony Edward Stark. Drunk _Tony Stark_, my boss.”

The man stared at him, giving him shivers down his back. Loki felt sick at the look. He had to get out of here, even though he didn’t want to. This man was judging him, just based on his name, that he had earned from an ancestor. He always wondered why Odin gave him that name, when he was a mere child, but now, after centuries, he knew that it was not out of joy, but spite. Still this man seemed to hate him just on that name. Why must his ancestor have had this reputation? A reputation that he had to represent, had to embody?

“And friend”, Anthony added. “Loki, huh? God of Mischief, huh, how many tricks have you pulled tonight?”, Anthony said with a wide and spiteful grin on his face.

“I have not”, Loki tried to defend himself. He would never do such a thing, at least not hatefully and not near Humans. A jest maybe, but no harmful tricks.

“Tony, this is inappropriate”, Virginia jumped onto her feet.

“Oh, then you most certainly have created another monster, how many children do you have?”

Loki’s heart started beating faster, as he tried to catch his breath. Tears stung his eyes and he wanted to scream at him, that his children were beautiful beings, when he finally got up, he couldn’t do more than stare at the smaller man. “Please don’t say such things”, he said, weakly, almost begging.

“Oh, what, God of Chaos? What are you going to do? Beam me to another dimension?” Beam? _‘What is that, beam?’_ He wanted to ask, but with the dizziness around him, he would have rather not made a fool of himself.

“I see that I have overstayed my welcome, I shall leave.” He tried to make his way to the door but got harshly grabbed by Anthony.

“Are you really going to leave, without giving Miss Potts here, a poisonous New Year’s kiss?” Tears were in Loki’s eyes, as he tried to get out of Anthony’s grip the Human way. He stumbled a bit, and finally fell.

“Loki! Tony, let him go!” Virginia screamed at Anthony and shook the shoulder of the man laying on the patio.

“What did _I_ do? It’s his stupid name.”

“Tony, for god’s sake, get a doctor, something is wrong with him.” She kneeled beside Loki, who was silently crying. Angry, Anthony walked back inside. Softly Virginia stroked Loki’s hair. “He doesn’t mean all that, Loki. I’m sure it’s just the whiskey talking.”

“This is not supposed to happen, what is wrong with me? I am all wrong.”

“Oh, No, Loki, you aren’t wrong, you’re right, just the way you are. And nobody can judge anyone on their name, I bet, even the God himself felt judged all the time, I bet he had a heart too, Loki.”

That was not what Loki had meant, but at last, he went with it: “I am not him, not like that, not the way he thinks.”

“I believe you, Loki. I’m not judging you.”

“I enjoyed tonight, until he came.”

“I enjoyed it too, Loki.”

“You are a truly beautiful Lady, Miss Potts, I have not seen such radiant beauty since my late wife. Only maybe in my mother.”

Virginia laughed with small tears in her eyes and blushed cheeks. “Thank you, Loki.” Suddenly everything happened quite quickly. The doors opened again, and a big man helped him up. “Happy, where is Tony, or a doctor?”

“Only drunk doctors here, I’m driving him to a hospital, you coming, Potts?”

“Of course.”

“Hey, tall man, I’m Happy. I mean, that’s my name. Strange, right? But hey, I hear your name is Loki, so I guess we’re equally weird.”

“I think Happy is a very nice name”, Loki answered and tried to walk with Happy’s arm around his body. Slowly they were making their way to the elevator. The way down, the nausea in Loki’s stomach intensified. In the car Virginia softly held his head up.

“Actually, his name is Harold Hogan, but we all call him Happy”, she softly said, “Like everyone calls me Pepper.”

“Like the spice?”, Loki thought aloud, wondering about the story behind that.

“Yeah”, she laughs, “Silly, right? Do you have a nickname?”

“A nickname is what others call you? I don’t believe so.”

“Hmm, maybe I’ll think of one, gorgeous.”

“Is that the nickname?” She laughed loudly and looked to Happy who smiled back at them through the mirror.

“I don’t know yet, Loki, maybe, but I don’t think everyone will call you Gorgeous from now on.”

“Why? You are called Pepper, which is a spice and he is called Happy, which is a feeling.”

“I guess you have a point. But usually the nickname is shorter to speak than the real name.”

“Do I have to think of one?”

“Oh no, Loki, I bet, Happy and I can figure it out.”

“But then we are connected.”

“Well, yes, kind of.”

“If you give me a nickname, I will only get called that by you.”

“What about your friends?”

“I have none, my brother he has, but I don’t like them, even if I have to be around them all the time.”

“Well, being forced to be friends with your brothers’ friends isn’t fun, I’d guess.”

“Sometimes they are enjoyable. When they don’t speak to me.”

Now Happy laughed. “You truly are a funny man, Loki”, he said from the front and parked at a hospital, “Hey, Pep, why don’t you get a nurse, say something about him being related to Tony, that’ll teach him a lesson.”

“On it”, she said and jumped out, while Happy got out of the car and helped Loki out.

“We’ll get you a nice bed here and figure out what’s wrong with you. Do you want me to call your family?”

“I’d rather not. I have run from home to be on my own for a while, if they are summoned, I will be laughed at.”

“Alright, buddy, then we’ll just get you on your feet again. No family needed; we’ll be yours here.”

“That is overly kind, thank you, Mister Hogan.”

“Please. Happy is just fine. And I think Miss Potts would appreciate you calling her Pepper, too. She is just too kind to say it.”

“She seems too sweet to be a spice.”

Happy laughed loudly. “You are quite the charmer, do you know that, Loki?”

“Well, you, Happy, are sweet too, you did not need to bring me to the hospital, I would have probably been fine, just laying on the cold ground for a while.”

“Do you do that often?”

“It comforts me. The cold temperatures speak to me. My brother once said, it’s because I have a cold heart.”

“Well, I don’t think that’s true. Pepper wouldn’t have continued chatting with you, if you’d seemed cold-hearted.”

“I would rather not call her a bad judge of character, as she, and you, decided to help me, despite this being a night of celebration.” Happy smiled and helped Loki into a chair on wheels that was brought by two men in the same colourful clothing.

“Alright, Mister Stark, let’s see what you have.”

“Mister Stark?”, Loki asked perplexed.

“They are related on his mother’s side, Tony only recently found out about him”, Pepper quickly chimed in.

“Yes of course. It seems, I didn’t get that remark, maybe my mind was hurt, when I slipped.” Pepper shot Loki a gentle and thankful look.

“Can we just get him inside; he doesn’t seem all that well. Just call him Loki, he listens to that.”

“Don’t you dare make me out to be a pet, Miss Potts, umm, Pepper.” She giggled as they followed the two nurses, of which one pushed the wheelchair into the hospital. The nurses helped him on a bed and handed him a glass of water.

“So, umm, Loki, how did this happen?”

“How? I fell, I felt dizzy, I still feel nauseated.”

“Well that isn’t good.”

“I believe it is not. Good, I mean. But I honestly have no idea why. I drank something, the bubbles-thing first and then this red-yellow drink.”

“Champagne and a Mai Tai, I believe”, Pepper translated for him.

“Alright, do you have any allergies?”

“Not that I know of.”

“And when was the last time you ate? And possibly what?”

“This afternoon, I believe I had a hot dog at a hot dog stand.”

“Well, that definitely was too long ago, did you drink anything else or eat anything after that, except the two drinks we already know of?”

“Someone gave me a, I believe it’s called glogg, mulled wine, at a stand, apparently, I looked, like I was freezing, I assure you, I was not.”

“Goodness, gracious, that isn’t good for you, Loki.”

“I have seen far worse behaviour in drinking and eating-capacity", he claimed, and the nurse smiled a little.

“Alright, we will put you in a single room here, and make sure you’ll feel all better in the morning.”

“Can I bring him homemade food instead of the cafeteria one?”, Pepper asked.

“Of course, just check with the nurse up front, what he can eat.”

Pepper softly grabbed Loki’s hand. “I’ll be right back, Loki. You’ll stay by his side, right, Happy?”

“As long as I’m allowed to and you need me, Pep.”

She smiled joyfully. “And drink your water, Loki”, she said while leaving. Quickly Loki did just that.

“Sorry, I forgot”, he apologised towards the nurses.

“It’s alright, Loki, as long as you’re drinking something non-alcoholic, we’re happy.” Loki giggled slightly and they helped him lay on the bed.

“How tall are you anyway, Loki?”

“My mother stopped measuring, when I surpassed her.”

The nurses both laughed at that comment. “Well, must be some good Genes.”

“I do not think being tall or tiny makes a difference in life experience, as long as people don’t make it their job to decide if it is good or bad. Everyone deserves love, despite their looks. Only their actions count. How often has one hurt and how often has one helped.”

The nurses and Happy looked at each other and then nod in unison. “Of course, Loki”, Happy said and gently pressed onto Loki’s shoulder. “Everyone deserves that.” Loki blinked away some tears. He said the right thing. Finally, he said the right thing. A thing he was not hated for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: just a few grammar mistakes fixed  
edit 01.12.2019: pepper is allergic to strawberries and didn't have an allergic reaction... and other stuff fixed  
edit 16.12.2019: capital letters,


	2. New Year - New Loki?

Pepper stayed with Loki all night, looking at the fireworks out of the window and reminding him every now and then to drink his water and eat the cookies another nurse had brought.

“So, you’re all alone, Loki?”, she asked interested.

“At this moment? No, you’re here. But I believe you mean in terms of family. If I stay away too long, my brother will come and bring me home, that happened before, but it sometimes takes time for them to do that. Most times I go home, because I miss my mother. She is the only kind one there.”

“Do you miss her right now?”

“I think she knows I do, but she must stay home with father, he would fall apart without her.”

“Sounds like a broken man. You don’t like him?”

“Not always, he prefers my brother over me.”

“And your mother?”

“She loves us both, entirely.”

“At least you have her then.”

Loki smiled.

“I wouldn’t know what to do without her. She taught me so much. I definitely take after her and father doesn’t like that. He wishes for me to be like brother, big, strong and always ready to beat someone up when needed.”

Now Pepper just stared. “Well, I for one am glad you’re not like that, but rather funny and forthcoming.”

“You said that you were taking care of a child and meant that to be Anthony. Am I now, in this state, also such a burden? Because I do not wish to burden you, Pepper.”

“Oh, Loki, you don’t, I’m actually glad to have a reason not to be at that party, even though tomorrow I am tasked with making sure everyone leaves the penthouse.”

“The penthouse?”

“Where we were, Loki. Later in the night, Anthony usually takes part of the party upstairs and into his bedroom.”

“Oh… _Oh!_” Loki turned red and Pepper chuckled.

“You seem so innocent, Loki, and yet you said you’re already a widower?”

“Yes. She was a very sweet woman, taken from me far too soon. I would have wanted to spend an eternity with her, but it was not to be.”

A stray tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly pushed it away. Swiftly he grabbed the plate of cookies, in hope that, if he ate, Pepper would stop asking him hard questions, he could not answer in all honesty. For a while, she did, even turned away, to look at the lights again, while Loki ate one cookie after the other. Then she turned around and looked him straight in his eyes. He felt intimidated, even though she was not necessarily a tall woman, or had spoken any harsh words towards him.

“What do you want to do in the new year, Loki?”

That surprised him. He never thought of that. Usually, his actions were dictated by his father or brother and he just tried to learn more; learn everything his mother could teach him. “I would like to learn.”

“Learn what?”

“Anything. As long as my brother won’t be able to do it.”

Pepper laughed at that. “What kind of skills do you have?”

“I don’t know what is unusual for a man my age to have. Perhaps I should learn all kinds of skills to figure out something I am truly good at.”

“Most skills are easier learned early on. But first, we wait till you get better.”

“What do you wish to achieve this year, Pepper?”

“I’m not sure, I don’t make plans like that. Most times, Tony controls my life, even if he doesn’t try to.”

“Seems to me, like you desperately need some time away from him.”

“I guess, but then he would fall apart and the company too. Even though Obadiah would still run things.”

“Who is that?”

“Oh right, Obadiah Stane. He was a good friend of Tony’s father, Howard Stark. He ran Stark Industries, till Tony officially took over. Officially, because Tony really doesn’t like paperwork. He more likes the creating things and spending money part of the job.”

“That does not seem responsible.”

“I guess. But he trusts Obadiah to make the right decisions.”

“And you? Do you trust Obadiah in that capacity?”

“I don’t really care, as long as I keep my job and for that to happen, I have to keep Tony happy.”

“And still you decided to be here tonight, instead of watching over him like a guardian.”

Pepper smiled a bit at that thought. “Tony doesn’t need another mother. Sometimes, yeah, he needs someone to make sure he eats properly. Most times however, he is a fully functioning adult and allowed to make all the bad decisions he wants to.”

“So, you _do_ judge.”

“Of course, I judge. He pretends like he is still in his early twenties, that his actions don’t have consequences. But they do, they always do.”

Loki was a bit surprised that Pepper was so emotional about this. She cared about him. She cared, how Tony presented himself. And what he did. Loki couldn’t understand how someone could care so much about a person that seemed to care so little. Tony did not deserve the love presented by Pepper. Just as he himself had not deserved the love of his wife, Sigyn.

Somehow the thought of his wife not suffering anymore, had put Loki at ease. He put the almost empty bowl of cookies aside and laid back with his eyes on the window. He hoped she was in Valhalla, yet he was certain that getting murdered did not grant her a place there. Sometimes, he wished that he could still see her, but only the dreams remained. His wife was safe from any living being, that at least calmed him. He hoped, that Narfi was with her and they did not think he was responsible for their death; however plausible it might seem to an outsider. One day, he hoped he would be able to join them, but he feared his father would make use of another Loki.

There were several things Loki dreamed about at night, he knew some of those dreams depicted the past, some the present and some the future, but he rarely knew which was which, when he did not decide what to dream of. He felt safe in the dream, he felt safe, enclosed in a stranger’s arms. This could not be the past, as he did not know the smell of that person. And he had not become close enough to anyone, to step into their minds. But he liked it. Getting cared for by the stranger, he drifted in the dream, slipping from place to place still in that same person’s arms.

Never had he felt like that. If he wouldn’t have known his mother’s smell, he would have guessed, it was her, who was carrying him around. Loki closed his eyes; he did not want to know what the future would bring exactly. Although it never was an exact copy of what he dreamed. Sometimes he screwed up, trying too hard to get exactly that.

He had once asked Heimdall what to do about those dreams. He had said: ‘If you like the dream, forget it ever existed and if you don’t like it, make sure it doesn’t come true.’ If he wouldn’t make his decisions based on that dream, maybe it would come true. Maybe he would end in the arms of that person who seemed to care so much about him.

When he woke in the morning Loki was alone. And still on Midgard. He might not have wanted to, but he must have changed things for Pepper or Happy. Yet still he was here. And he felt a lot worse than the evening before. His stomach was rumbling again and sweat was on his forehead.

“Heimdall?”, he whispered quietly. He did not want to go home, but he couldn’t heal himself. He wanted to, right now, when nobody was near, yet his strength was not there. “Please, Heimdall”, he practically begged.

His condition could not be good for mere Mortals. Yet still he heard no answer. And it was not like Heimdall slept. Or well, maybe he did, but then Loki would be able to reach him through the dreams. This silence, it worried him.

When he got nauseous, Loki quickly got up and ran for the toilet. He vomited into it, till he felt empty and only fluids were escaping his mouth. After flushing, he sat next to the toilet on slightly colder tiles than in the bedroom. Exhausted he looked up.

“Come on, I know you can see me. Just talk to me. I know we are not friends, but I kind of need you right now.” Nothing. Loki sighed. Of course, the one time, he was in trouble, Heimdall decided to look away. He was probably watching Thor with any of his hundred women, pleasuring himself, knowing Thor would never think such a bad thing about him, yet when he, the second son was in trouble, he decided it was not his problem.

“You really are a prick, do you know that?”, Loki swore and then slightly giggled, knowing how it looked, talking to himself. He heard the door of the room close.

“Hey, Loki, it’s me, buddy. Happy, remember, I’m… Loki?”

“Over here”, Loki answered and sighed. Happy came into the bathroom, with a worried look on his face.

“You look worse, buddy.”

“Yes. Can one be allergic to hospitals?”

Happy laughed and sat down in front of him. “I’m afraid, that I don’t know. But I’d bet not.” He got a soup container out of his bag, but Loki quickly shook his head.

“Still feel nauseas, I’m afraid it would do me no good.”

“You have to eat something.”

“In an hour, we may try again, alright?”

“I don’t know how much time I have. Always depends on the mobility and class of the people Tony needs me to drive.”

Understanding, Loki nodded. “Of course. I would not want to keep you from your work. I’ll be fine, just leave it. And when you must leave, maybe tell one of the nurses to check in every now and to make me eat.”

A smile shot on Happy’s face. “That is their job.”

“Then I guess, they kind of _have_ to check on me, right?”

“Yep.”

“Poor souls. Having to take care of others, day in, day out.”

“Well, they get paid for that. And chose that job on their own.”

“Then I hope that they get paid good. Such noble action should be rewarded highly. Everyone who helps others, should be greatly rewarded.”

“So, me too? After all, I help people get safely from one point to another.”

“Yes, Happy, even you.”

“I guess I should ask for a pay raise then.”

Loki laughed quietly, his throat hurting from throwing up. Shaking, he got up and washed his face in the sink. Happy watched his every step, to catch him, if he needed to. Another wave of sweat consumed Loki, as he leaned against the wall, before drying his face. He wouldn’t die today, he knew that, he knew, he had dreamt of a future and that meant he had one. Although right now he didn’t even know how he would make it to nightfall.

Sighing he sat back on the ground and opened the soup container, Happy had put there. With small sips he tested if his stomach would accept the warm meal. To his surprise, the warmth that consumed him felt good. He felt fine, even if he still was giddy from not last night.

“This is very nice soup, Happy”, he finally said, after emptying half the container.

“I’ll tell my mother; she’ll be so glad.”

“She seems like a nice lady, if she cares for people she hasn’t met.”

Happy nodded. “Yeah, I love my mom.”

“I have yet to meet a person that didn’t care for their mother.”

“I guess they would have to be horrible people, our parents, for us not to like them even the slightest bit.”

Softly Loki nodded back and closed the container. “What will you do this year, Happy?”

The question seemed to surprise the man. “I guess, I can try to find love again.”

“Again? I’d say finding love once in the Millions of people is hard, but trying to find it _again_, I don’t know if I could. I wish you the best of luck with your quest though, Happy.”

“Don’t you want that too? Love?”

“I find love strikes, when it is supposed to strike. I won’t go searching for it, but when it hits me, I will fight for it.”

“Good choice.”

“And if one really needs a companion, one can just buy a loyal pet.”

Happy’s laughter was so loud, Loki imagined it could be heard at least three rooms over. “You should be a comedian, Loki.”

“I did not pick it to be funny.”

“Well it is, Loki. And you always seem so dead serious about it.”

Loki didn’t understand. After all this time he had spent on Midgard, he still didn’t understand the humour. It was different for all the different people and different from century to century. Sometimes he wondered, why he should even bother trying to make jokes and now he apparently had reached a time, in which people found the things he said funny. What a strange time.

Loki was very interested in Happy. Well, not Happy precisely, he wanted to know what he liked to do, what a slightly above average Human man did outside his work. Of course, he also wanted to know, _what_ exactly he did. Driver did not really speak to Loki, the vessel he was driving seemed so plain, yet Happy spoke so happily about it, how on a normal day, it was just the easiest thing to do and on a hectic day, he felt like a hero.

A hero, Loki knew, he could never be. Not with his name. Chaos ensued, anywhere he went. Loki lived for that chaos, that unpredictable action, he sometimes even surprised himself, finding how much he grew to be like the Loki that had passed. Frigga told him, that he was a resurrection of that Loki, but he didn’t want to believe that. Loki was horror. Loki was hell, he even created Hela, the Goddess of Death. How could _he_ be such a thing? Loki feared sometimes, he was like the old God, yet he still heard Sigyn’s whisper, as she was barely holding onto life, reassuring him, that he was nothing like him.

“Loki?”

Loki shook a bit, confused by the waved hand in front of his face. “I am sorry, Happy, I did not mean to get lost in thoughts.”

“Don’t worry about it, buddy, just got worried, thought I had crashed your brain.”

“It is unforgivable, when someone is talking to just ignore them.”

“I think it’s forgivable, it just might not be very polite.”

“I am still sorry.”

“Alright, buddy. Look, I got to go, but I’ll tell one of the nurses to check on you.”

“Thank you Happy, you are very kind.”

“Pepper will be here in an hour, she said. Promised to bring Tony to make him apologise.”

“Which I find unnecessary but thank you again.”

Happy hesitated for a second and then ruffled Loki’s hair. “See you later, buddy.”

He quickly left, while Loki softly touched his hair, that was now standing in all possible directions. Did Happy think him to be a child? Did he look like one? Staggering, Loki got up and in front of the mirror, before flinching, as the front door of the room closed again, the second time after Happy’s leave.

“Loki?”, a male voice asked.

“Bathroom”, he answered, “Come in.”

Loki watched himself in the mirror, before looking towards the door through it. A dark-skinned man came into the room, in a different coloured outfit, than the nurses had worn in the evening.

“Hey, I’m Josh, whoa, you are tall. And I thought, I was tall.”

“You must be the nurse.”

Josh smiled at him. “Yeah. And you must be Loki.”

“Josh, can I call you Josh?” The man nodded quickly, and Loki turned to him, before asking: “Do I look like a child?”

“No, Loki, not that I would think. Why do you ask?”

“Then why would Mister Hogan ruffle up my hair?”

“Perhaps to show affection.”

“I don’t understand American customs.”

“Well, as far as I can tell, it’s not a custom.”

“Oh. Okay. Then I shall not do the same to him, next time?”

Josh laughed out loud. “Only if you want to. Now, do you want to get to the bed?”

“It is very warm. It makes me sweat.”

“Well, I need to take some blood and check your temperature, if you’re sweating.”

“Needles?”

“For the blood, yes.”

“I don’t like needles.”

“I’ll be quick. Mister Hogan told us you ate a lot of the soup, even though you threw up this morning?”

“Yes, that is correct, I still feel nauseous. It is not a good feeling.”

“I can get you a pill for that, drink it with water, would that be fine?”

“I’d like that, yes. And could I maybe have e comb? I would rather like my hair untangled.”

“I’ll see, what I can do. I’ll just put the soup away, good? And then I’ll get everything.”

“That is okay.”

Josh picked the soup container off the floor and brought it to the room, where Loki slowly followed him. Josh looked back at him with a bright smile.

“Please sit, Loki, I’ll turn the heat down a bit, okay?”

“Yes, please.”

Josh turned a few knobs on the wall and then smiled again. “I’ll be right back.” Loki could barely nod, before he had already left the room.

Were Heimdall and his mother really not going to do anything? He _must_ know. Æsir blood in Human hands, that would not be good, especially while he was sick, perhaps it would turn into a biological weapon, a disease that could end all life here. He did not want his inaction to kill these pathetic creatures. It would be turned on him in an instant, that he deliberately got sick and infested the planet with a life-threatening virus. Of course, he would do that. Loki, the Trickster God, bringing chaos to the planet.

He hadn’t even noticed how Josh came back into the room. He smiled at Loki and quickly took some blood. “See, all done, no harm.”

Scared of the outcome, Loki felt beads of sweat forming on his head again.

“Alright, Loki, then let’s see about your temperature.” Josh put a device in Loki’s ear, which beeped twice, before it was taken out again. “Like I thought, fever, Loki.”

He handed him a little cup with a pill and a big cup with some water inside.

“Pill first, then drink, don’t bite on it, just swallow, otherwise it’ll be bitter.”

Josh patiently watched, as Loki did as he was told. It truly was bitter, even though Loki did not bite on it. He hoped his stomach would accept it; he couldn’t stand the bad rumble it was giving off. He then proceeded to stare at the comb Josh was holding out in front of him. After a while he took it and softly put it in his hair. The comb was much harder than those on Asgard, but it would suffice. Gently Loki combed through is shoulder long hair, that he was so proud of and his father would make him cut again, when he got home. If he even got home, right now it did not really seem like that would be so soon.

Josh had a gentle smile on, while watching Loki and offered to braid his hair, as he had learned it for his apparent younger sister. Thankful, Loki allowed it, for he feared that the other option would be to curl his hair into a bun. Josh braided them in three strings tightly over his head and more softly, when they came to the back of the head, together.

“Looks good”, he finally said, obviously proud of the result and showed Loki himself in a hand mirror. Amazed, Loki moved his head and then nodded.

“Yes. It does look rather acceptable.” He tenderly touched the braid on the top and was surprised of how strongly he felt the touch.

“Well, now that that’s done, I’m off. If you have questions or problems, just press the button next to the bed, got it?”

Loki followed where Josh had pointed and then nodded. “Understood, thank you, Josh.”

“My pleasure, see you later.”

“Yes. See you later.”

Loki laid back on the bed, as he watched the man walk out. His view landed on the window. The snow was late this winter. On their first visits to Midgard in the winter, Thor had always cussed about it being as cold as Jotunheim, even though they have yet to visit that realm, as it and Asgard had been in a war, that resulted in Asgard taking away their ‘Casket of Ancient Winters’, that gave the Jötnar the ability to cast frozen grounds, which even froze a lot of Æsir soldiers. The casket had since stood in Odin’s vault, where most of his victory tokens were. Priced possessions, that proved, that Odin was in fact the most feared man in all realms, behind the facade of him being just a mere man on a Golden throne.

Odin had built Asgard, or at least that is what Loki had been told, sometimes he couldn’t imagine his father doing anything at all. He just sat in his throne, cursed and swore at Loki and occasionally told him to do unspeakable things. If he did not do them, his remaining two sons would be murdered, like he had Loki’s son first and then Loki’s wife. Loki feared, that even if he did everything Odin would ask of him, that he would still kill Váli and abuse Sleipnir.

Loki found himself whimpering faintly. His children. Sometimes it seemed that he was still so young and at other times he felt the world weighed heavy on him. He hadn’t seen either of them for over a century. Váli probably felt responsible for his brother’s death, as Odin had turned him into a wolf to slay Narfi. But Loki was not sure, if he was ever returned to his original form. He did not even know, if he was still alive. At least that he knew of Sleipnir. Odin used Sleipnir as his horse, but Loki knew that even though he was in horse-form, that there was still a young boy inside. How could Odin do that? Abuse his grandson like that? The people on Earth would not even begin to think of doing something like that.

Sometimes Loki wished to forget everything about Asgard, to forget everything he knew, to become Human and short-lived. To not be burdened by that name and by his memories. When he started to think that, he would go and live like the Humans do. They were so simple-minded, that Loki often felt, he could be one of them, blend in, so to say. He could calm here, wait out his days and then return, when he’d hear Heimdall whisper for him to return, that he had been there for too long.

Heimdall did not whisper now. Heimdall had not responded to any of his pleading. That worried Loki. It worried him more than his own sickness. Heimdall not responding, yes that happened, _especially_ to Loki, but he usually got at least a grunt, that he had heard him, but even that had yet to come.

He hadn’t realised that an hour had passed, till he heard the familiar click of the door.

“Good morning, Loki, how are you?” Pepper had a big smile on her face and seemed oddly cheerful.

“I am well, Pepper, and you?”

“Well as well.” She chuckled and then asked him if he had eaten anything.

“Happy brought me some soup this morning, it was very good, but I could only eat half, I was afraid my stomach would not be able to keep more down.”

“Well, do you want more now, think you can keep it down?”

Loki thought for a while and then nodded, after not feeling the nauseous grumble he had heard before.

“Well, I’m going to take it and get it heated up. Tony, play nice.”

“Yes”, said the man, that had already curled up in the armchair, seemingly not feeling much better than Loki himself. Loki watched him carefully, till Pepper had left the room. “Nice braids”, Tony mumbled. It felt like an insult to Loki.

“I am very proud of my hair, Mister Stark.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Of course, you are.”

Loki sighed silently. Pepper was right, Tony was like a child. “I wish not to burden you, Mister Stark, if you wish to throw me out of the hospital, I am sure you can make that happen.”

“No, it’s fine”, he grunted. “Someone has to take care of lost puppies.”

“I do not understand.”

Tony groaned as he sat up. “You’re a lost puppy, I’m taking care of you.”

“How am I a pup, a young dog?”

“It’s…”, Tony grunted again, “You just… you are giving me puppy dog eyes.”

“What? What is that?”

“Damn, it’s like you’re out of this world. Puppy. Dog. Eyes. You’re looking at me, like you want me to accept you and make me give you everything I own. Stop it, I don’t like beggars.”

“I am no beggar.”

“Yeah, you were dressed way to fancy to be a beggar.”

“And you were way to drunk, to be a successful man.”

“Yeah, yeah, I already got the whole angry talk from Pepper. To think my assistant would talk to me like that. But it’s fine. It’s Pepper.”

“Do you not wish to apologise? I was hurt by those words.”

“Words can’t hurt, kid.”

“Then you must have had an easy childhood.”

“Yeah, totally. Boarding school was awesome.”

“I sense that you are using sarcasm, am I correct?”

“Yes!”, Tony shouted and curled back up on the chair.

“I am sorry to have upset you, I shall not ask any more questions, so you will not get upset anymore, Sir.” Loki saw that Tony looked at him again, but he himself decided to stare out of the window.

“Aren’t green eyes unusual paired with black hair?”

The observation surprised Loki. “Umm… I’m not sure. I never thought about it.”

“Well, the combination is very intriguing.”

The compliment made Loki blush. Swiftly he started to study his hands, which had obviously no new things to study. He heard a soft snicker across the room and smiled lightly. He seemed not that bad, the not-drunk Anthony Stark. He had yet to clearly insult him again, which made Loki hopeful, that he would not put Loki on the street, as Loki would not know how to survive at this time, with Heimdall not answering his calls.

When the door clicked again, Loki looked up.

“So, you haven’t killed him yet, Tony.”

“I wouldn’t do something like that in the middle of the day and with you knowing I was the last to see him.”

Pepper laughed and gave Loki the meal, which he carefully tasted and then quickly ate and slurped. He felt filled and smiled with glee. When he looked up, both of them were gawking at him.

“Did I… Did I do anything wrong?”

“No Loki, just, you ate it so quickly.” Pepper smiled a bit and Loki eyed Tony.

“Man, I want to have an appetite like that. Eat all day and still be as thin as wafer.”

“A what? Oh. No, don’t worry about it, I won’t understand the explanation anyway.”

“Very thin”, Pepper answered.

“It’s a tasteless biscuit. They are usually pressed to be as thin as a disc.”

“A discus. Huh.”

“Uhm… Yeah sure, discus.”

“Not an easy sport to master.”

“Wouldn’t know, never done that.”

“You haven’t done any sports, Tony.”

“And look? I’m not fat yet.”

“_Yet_ is the important word in there, Tony.”

Loki looked amused between the very obvious not just boss and assistant, but friends. “I could try to teach you, Mister Stark. Once I am better.”

“No thank you. Don’t want to seem like a buffed-up genius. If I start to take on muscles, the geeks will not take me serious anymore.”

“But the shareholders might.”

“Aww hell, Pep, you know I don’t really care about the shareholders that much.”

“But you have to think of the money. Geeks can’t help you keep a weapons company running.”

“Not until they work for me, Pep.”

“You can’t buy everyone.”

“Really? Loki, how much money would you want, to be the model to hold the next line of weapons?”

“What?”

“A hundred?”

“Umm…”

“A thousand? No, maybe with that face I would even give ten thousand. How does ten thousand dollars sound to you, Loki?”

“No.”

Tony stilled for a while, staring at him, before asking to confirm: “No?”

“No, I will not be your mannequin, that you can dress up in fitted clothes and shoot in front of a camera, while I hold a weapon that you want to sell.”

“Come on, Loki. Your face could sell anything. Couldn’t his face sell anything?”

“Tony, Loki is not a property.”

“Yeah, got it. Thought I could get the youngsters on board, with his face. Selling the American Dream.”

“I am not American.”

“But you are a dream. And they can’t hear your accent on a poster.”

“I will not pose for you.”

“Yeah I got that, just a shame.”

“I do not feel ashamed. _You_ should. For asking me that. What will you do next, Mister Stark? Ask me to pose nude and use the gun as my shaft?”

With that statement both men flushed to bright red colours, before Tony eventually giggled. “That isn’t a half-bad idea for a shoot.”

Pepper groaned. “You are such an imbecile, Tony.”

Loki was still blushing; he could not believe that those ugly words had left his mouth. He might have thought to say something like that every now and then, but he didn’t express his feelings like that. Now all he could see in his mind, was a poster of him, sitting naked on the floor with a big gun in front of him that was shielding his privates, while he seductively licked his lips. Frigga would be so disappointed.

“Loki, you still with us?”, Pepper asked concerned and Loki buried his face in his hands.

“Yes… Yes. I am just… Embarrassed.”

“Well, no reason for you to be, Loki. Tony has that effect on people.”

“I have not.”

“Yes, you do. At least on the innocent ones.”

“He said it, not I.”

“Because you put that thought in his mind and got him riled up.”

“Why do I always have to be the bad guy?”

“Because you never try to be the good guy.”

“But I’m good.”

“When you want someone to say something nice about you in public.”

“That counts!”

“Not really, Tony.”

“I’ll show you, Pep. I can be the good guy. Tell you what, I’ll patch in. I’ll be with Loki when you and Happy have to work or sleep, does that sound good?”

“That sounds like you are trying to make up.”

“I will become good in your eyes, Pepper. Sooner or later.”

“When you start doing selfless stuff, I’ll believe you.”

“I will. Just wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: using word to fix mistakes I have overlooked  
edit 01.12.2019: yeah, I don't want to have to fix things either, but here I am, a little overtired, but hey...  
edit 16.12.2019: capital letters


	3. A Dizzy Start into the New Year

Tony did good on his promise to come by. He even came by, when Pepper and Happy were there, which seemed to irritate the both of them. After about a week, Loki finally accepted, that he could not rid himself of him. He might not want to think of himself that way, but he had become Tony’s toy. He was new and shiny and Tony always had a reason to visit him, after all, he was family and sick.

It didn’t help that this time around, Loki was curled up on the bathroom floor after throwing up for the third time that day.

“Loki.”

Loki felt the warm hand on his naked back. He only had his underwear on, but he wasn’t freezing. He was just weak. When Tony wanted to leave, to get someone, Loki presumed, he grabbed his arm. “Don’t. Please, I’m fine right here.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“Please. I don’t want anyone else here.”

“So, you want me here?” Loki could almost feel the smirk Tony was probably pulling.

“Don’t assume, Anthony.”

“We’re down to Anthony now, I see that as a win.”

“In what category?”

“What?”

“What have you won, Anthony?”

“I have won you.”

“I am no price, Anthony.” Loki pulled himself over to his other side, so he would face Tony. “I am not an object that you can buy, nor am I an object you can win.”

“Yet I have won you.”

“You have not, you could not, no part of me. As soon as I’m better, as I can leave this hospital, I will be gone. And it will be, like I was never here. You will forget me, and I shall forget you, too.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do. I am not your puppy, I am not your model, I am not your price and I am most certainly not your long-lost relative.”

“Can’t we think about the model thing again, I mean…”

“No, Anthony.”

“Damn, you’re cute when you’re pissed.”

Sighing Loki let him go. “You have no regard for normal Human conversation.”

“And you have no _regard_ for speaking like a normal Human.”

“I was taught manners.”

“I was taught honesty.”

“You cannot be taught honesty.”

“No? Well I’m blatantly honest and you’ll have to live with that, while you’re here.”

“I will not be here for much longer.”

“Right now, it looks like you’re lying about that.”

Loki groaned while getting up and proceeded to wash his face. “I will get better; you will not have to waste your thoughts on me.”

“I don’t think they are wasted. You’re growing thin, Loki. Like unhealthy thin. I can see your ribs.”

“Then don’t look at them.”

“Well, you’re the one walking around without your gown and showing of your body to everyone that comes in here, like you want to fuck them.”

Grunting Loki grabbed the gown and put it on. “Better now?”

“No. Now I can’t look at your body anymore.”

Angry Loki looked at him. “I am not your possession.”

“I know.”

Loki let himself slip back onto the ground and held out his hand to Tony. Softly Tony took it and for a moment they just stared at each other. “I meant for you to sit next to me, Anthony, but if you stand there any longer, I might as well kiss your hand, yet I fear I must tell you; I smell utterly horrible.”

Tony started grinning, but when Loki made attempts to move his hand to his mouth, he quickly sat down while blushing. “You shouldn’t do dumb stuff like that, Loki.”

“How was it dumb? You did what I asked of you.”

“But you can’t do that to everyone.”

“What makes you think I do that to anyone else?”

Tony glowed even brighter, which made Loki smile. “You’re horrible, Loki.”

“Am I? You wanted to make me your model.”

“And you wanted to pose naked. I’ll have you know, I dreamt of nothing else for the next two nights.”

Loki chuckled. “To have infested the mind of the Great Anthony Stark, now that is something to achieve.”

“Really?”

“Of course. You have a new maiden in your bed, almost every night and I have not even seen that bed and still you fantasise about me in there.”

“You are horrible.”

“But you like it. I can feel it.”

“I can’t have you.”

“No, you can’t.”

“For you to make me suffer like that.”

“You were the one that sat down.”

“I’ll get back up.”

“You got your chance. You let it fall.”

“Give me another.”

“No. There are no second chances in life.”

“Is that why you are still a widower?”

Abruptly Loki’s face turned from a subtle grin into a serious look. “You will not talk about my wife.”

“Why?”

“Because she is my _wife_. She will always _be_ my wife. In life and in death.” He felt himself tear up and Tony looked away.

“No wife-talk, got it.”

“Please leave. I do not wish to see you anymore.”

“Loki”, Tony pleaded.

“Go!” He felt his heart fall, when Tony actually got up. It was better this way.

“I won’t be gone forever, Loki.”

“Please don’t come back, unless you are needed to.”

“Don’t do that.”

“What?”

“Push me away, while we both know you want me.”

“I don’t.”

“I know you’re lying”, Tony said and turned around with a sad look on his face, staring right into Loki’s soul. “I know you, Lokes.”

“How?”, Loki whispered, teary-eyed.

“We are the same, you and I.”

“We are not.”

“We are, I promise you.”

That would be the last thing Tony told Loki that year. The first week was over, 51 weeks of year left, but Loki already knew he had failed at being Human. He had told Happy he would fight, if he was struck with love, but he had just let him go. He didn’t fight. How could he fight for someone, that was destined to die, while Loki would just live on for what seemed like forever? Besides, if he would fight, there was no way either of his sons would survive Odin’s wrath. Heimdall might not answer him now, but he knew Loki could wait, wait till Heimdall would answer.

Loki was getting better after that day, he had small setbacks every week, but none as huge as the first week had been. By the time February rolled around, Loki could feel his healing returning, which made him hopeful that everything was going to be fine. He would leave the hospital in the next few weeks. Even if Heimdall still wouldn’t answer him. He had stayed around here for far too long. It wasn’t like home, no, he rather enjoyed the time with both Happy and Pepper, who seemed to be growing closer.

Of course, Loki wondered about them, wondered what the future might bring for them, but he knew not to do anything. It was not right. So, when Pepper ever so nicely invited him to go out with them for her birthday, he declined and faked a setback. Maybe he shouldn’t have, because she was in tears, when she came to him the next day.

“What is wrong, sweet Pepper?”

She hickuped as she tried to answer, and Loki couldn’t help but pull her close into his arms. Softly he rubbed her back until she calmed enough to stammer: “It’s Tony.”

Tears shot into Loki’s eyes. “What happened?”

“There was an attack. They don’t even know if he’s alive. Loki, what if he’s dead?”

Shaken, Loki pressed Peppers head against his chest. “You will find out. There is nothing you can do for him. He wouldn’t want you to die in the search for him. There is a search, yes?”

“Yes. James Rhodes, or Rhodey, as Tony called him. He is looking for him with a team.” She slowly calmed, but Loki couldn’t let her go yet. Not when she already spoke in past tense, she would know he cared for Tony and he didn’t want her to be burdened by that.

After a while he pushed her away from him, caressing her face. “I know I shouldn’t, but I could help, Pepper.”

“What do you mean? He would be as furious with you, as he would be with me. Besides, you’re still bedridden.”

“I would not have to leave this place. Not physically. I would never be in any danger, Pepper.”

“Then how could you even help?”

Softly he took her hands. “I could dream of him. With my… magic.”

“Magic?”

“Magic. But you could never tell anyone. Because if you tell, it would change things and I am not allowed to change things.”

“What kind of… magic?”

“I could trace him, his consciousness, I could be in his mind, not to see what he’s thinking about, just to see what he sees, to hear what he hears, to smell what he smells, I would be with him every step of the way.”

“Would he know you’re there?”

“He would never even notice me, as I won’t do anything that might make him think, that he is not alone.”

“And you can do this how? I mean, what do you need? Candles, cards?”

Loki chuckled slightly. “No, I won’t need any of that. Maybe a token of his, so I can easier sense him without draining my magic as quickly. Otherwise I would stay in there, weeks at end without being able to escape on my own.”

“And this is safe? For him and you?”

“Safest magic right after healing.”

Pepper snickered and nodded. “Alright, witch.”

“No witch. I rather like the term sorcerer.” Now she laughed lightly. “And remember, Pepper, nobody can know about this, you can’t ever tell anyone.”

“Why?”

“I cannot tell you.” Loki staggered back onto the bed. “Promise me.”

“Okay. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thank you. I trust you.”

“So, you’re going to do it?”

“What other choice do I have, Pepper?”

“Thank you.”

“Just make sure my husk stays alive. And wake me, when you need me. But be aware, every time you do, it will take me longer to find him again.”

“Alright.” Her smile was gentle.

“Do you have something of his with you?”

“Sadly no. Nothing he’d be attached to.”

“Then I’d ask you to wake me or put something in my hand of his, when you have found something he would be attached to. For the moment I will grab onto my memories of him.”

“Okay.”

“And seriously, Pepper. Wake me, when you need me. Even if you just need to talk to me.”

“What do I tell Happy?”

“Coma? Or what the doctors suspect. Only wake me, when we’re alone.”

“Yes.”

“And don’t be scared, Pep. For me or him. He is a fighter.” She nodded, while Loki pulled up the sheet. “We will be fine”, he told her one last time, before closing his eyes and thinking of Tony, remembering the last conversations they had had. Loki hated doing that, taking trips down his own memories, it just showed him, how much he had done wrong.

**‘How many tricks have you pulled tonight?’**   
_‘None. Yet.’_

**‘What are you going to do? Beam me to another dimension?’**   
_‘I still don’t know, what that means.’_

**‘It’s fine. Someone has to take care of lost puppies.’**   
_‘Perhaps I am indeed lost.’_

**‘Words can’t hurt, kid.’**   
_‘Yet they have hurt you in the end, right?’_

**‘Aren’t green eyes unusual paired with black hair? The combination is very intriguing.’**   
_‘Thank you.’_

**‘Eat all day and still be as thin as wafer.’**   
_‘I wish you would have brought me one.’_

**‘How much money would you want, to be the model to hold the next line of weapons? ** **Your face could sell anything. You are a dream.’**   
_‘I should have said yes. I should have said yes. To you, all of you.’_

**‘You want me here?’**   
_‘Yes. Definitely. Yes. I want you here, right this second.’_

**‘We’re down to Anthony now, I see that as a win.’**   
_‘Of course, you would.’_

**‘Damn, you’re cute when you’re pissed.’**   
_‘I guess that’s my natural form, pissed.’_

**‘You’re growing thin, Loki. Like unhealthy thin. I can see your ribs. You’re walking around without your gown and showing of your body to everyone that comes in here, like you want to fuck them.’**   
_‘I didn’t. Just you saw that.’_

**‘You shouldn’t do dumb stuff like that, Loki.’**   
_‘I know, you shouldn’t either.’_

**‘I’ll have you know, I dreamt of nothing else for the next two nights.’**   
_‘And when I get to you, I will only dream of you, that seems fair, right?’_

**‘I can’t have you.’**   
_‘**I** can’t have **you**, Tony. Not the other way around.’_

**‘Is that why you are still a widower?’**   
_‘No. I just don’t want to risk another life.’_

**‘I won’t be gone forever, Loki.’**   
_‘And yet, here you are, gone. Forever is up to you.’_

**‘We both know you want me.’**   
_‘That is true.’_

**‘I know you, Lokes.’**   
_‘I hope so.’_

**‘We are the same, you and I. We are, I promise you.’**   
_‘If we are, I would find you. Because I’d be looking for me.’_

Loki peered open his inner eyes. _‘Where are you?’_ **‘I promise you.’** _‘Come on, let me find you.’_ **‘I know you.’** _‘Show yourself!’_ **‘Lokes.’** _‘Tony.’_ **‘Lokes.’** _‘Tony!’_

“Lokes”, Loki heard someone whisper. Slowly a turned cave came into view. _‘Got you now, Tony.’_

“Who is Lokes?”, asked a man with glasses Tony turned to look at.

“A… friend. I dreamt of him.”

“Seems like more than a friend, Stark.”

“It never was.”

“But it could have been?”

“Not if he had his way. Are we good?”

The man gazed towards a door. “For the time being, yes.”

Tony looked down at a glowing light in his chest. _‘What is that?’_ “How long do you think it’ll hold?”

“You’re the expert, Stark. Fifteen minutes for something big, you said.”

“Yeah, sorry, still a bit faded it seems, with the whole, you know.”

“Getting drowned every now and then, when you don’t work fast enough.”

“Trying to stay alive, you know that.”

“Thought, you forgot that, too.” They both stand up and take their hands over their head. “Like every time.”

“Every time”, answered Tony.

Loki was scared. What was going on? All of a sudden, the metal door opened and a lot of men with loose clothing came in, shouting in a language Tony couldn’t understand and Loki couldn’t translate quickly enough. He hadn’t spent enough time in the middle east.

“He asks how much more time this will take”, said the man.

“I am working as quickly as I can.”

The other man answered, and they talked for a little while.

“You should work faster, if you don’t, he’ll drown you again.”

“Understood.” They slowly dispersed and locked the door behind them. “Let’s get back to work then, Yinsen.”

“They are growing suspicious.”

“I hadn’t realised”, Tony answered with a familiar sarcastic undertone, that Loki had missed ever since they last spoke.

He carefully healed Tony over the time he was there. Not enough to notice, but enough to give him strength. He did not want him to suffer. Yinsen however he could not help. So, when Tony finally escaped and Yinsen died, a small part of Loki suffered with him. Loki was scared for Tony, when he rapidly woke up.

“Tony!”, he screamed, before looking around, a bit confused. Hospital. He was still in the hospital. A man burst in. Josh.

“Loki, you’re awake!”

“Pepper. Where is Pepper? And I need pen and paper. Now. Please!”

Not wasting a second, Josh ran out again and quickly came back with a notebook. “Pepper is notified. She and Happy have left you flowers over the last months.”

“What day is it?”

“May 1.”

“May 1”, Loki echoed, “Can I have something to eat and drink? And possibly be detached from these devices, dear Josh?”

“On it.” He walked out again, obviously a bit disturbed by the sudden healthiness of Loki.

Swiftly Loki wrote down coordinates and then three short letters to Pepper, Happy and Tony:

**“Miss Virginia ‘Pepper’ Potts, you have a bright light, in your eyes. Please never let that fade. With love, Loki.”**  
“Mister Harold ‘Happy’ Hogan, I hope you will find love soon. I believe it is nearer, than you might expect it to be. With love, Loki.”  
“Mister Anthony Edward ‘Tony’ Stark. I can’t have you, but I won’t be gone forever. Just a thought on the back of my mind. Lots of Love, Lokes.”

With hope, that they could read his cursive, he closed the letters and wrote their first names on top of them. Then he hid them, while Josh came back with a few other nurses.

“Alright Loki, we will help you out now, Food is on the way and Pepper and Happy are also inbound.”

They freed him of everything as softly as they could and let him dress in his clothes, after checking and realising he was in perfect health. The food came shortly before Happy and Pepper arrived, and Loki had to act fast. He hid his cutlery and lied to Happy, that they apparently had forgotten the silverware. He wanted to hug them, but he knew they would suspect something if he did.

Then he gave Pepper the paper with the coordinates. “The quicker, the safer, he was not fed well.”

“Thank you”, she answered before stepping out. Loki ate as quick as he could while casting spells upon the letters, so they only show what is written after being opened by the attended person.

“Heimdall?”, he whispered on his last bite.

**Yes, Loki?**

He was quite thankful for the answer. “Where is a safe place to travel?”

**I’d suggest the North Pole.**

“Somewhere I’ve been before, Heimdall.” Loki rolled his eyes.

**Then the mountains that Anthony was kept in. You’ve seen them.**

He was right, that was a safe place. Quickly he put the letters on the pillow and then disappeared from the hospital. The place, he appeared in, was horrible and in ruins. He smiled a little, being proud of Anthony.

“Alright then, can I come home?”

**Let me ‘beam’ you up.**

That’s what that meant? Loki was a bit surprised, while travelling to Asgard. “You were in my head”, he said snarky, like he was known to do.

“I had to figure out why you were not responding.”

“Thank you for finding out, what that meant.”

“It is the least I could do, after being the reason you were sick.”

“Oh really?”, Loki answered, laughing lightly, while they started walking down the rainbow bridge.

“The Bifrost was infested. It is my job to make sure everyone is safe, that travels through there.”

“Were you punished? For letting a Prince suffer?”

“Your father did not know.”

“And Mother?”

“You know as well as I do, that she would not punish me for something so little.”

“My Seiðr did not respond for the first earthly month.”

“You know, Loki, there was a high chance he would die, if you had not been looked out for him.”

“Will you talk to Father, fix my _mistake_?”

“No.” That surprised Loki. He was less surprised by his mother riding towards them on her mare.

“Loki. I sensed you.”

“Hello Mother, are you proud of me?”

“For making it through the infection? I am proud of Midgardian healing tactics.” Loki smiled. “So, what did you do on Midgard?”

“I fell in love, saved him and left”, Loki answered and walked away. He could have teleported, but he needed the cold air to clear his mind, he just hoped the two Æsir would let him be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit 29.09.2019: fixing mistakes  
edit 01.12.2019: fixing mistakes again, I know I'll have to come back to change how Heimdall is formatted, let me figure that out yet...  
edit 16.12.2019: I started editing around 6 hours ago in act 3, then I did act 2, act 1, now I'm here... Heimdall fixes, formatting fixes, capital letter fixes


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